1. We sincerely apologize for labeling all Peruvians as drunks. We drew this conclusion due to the fact that we see people drinking literally all day every day. However, after we found ourselves day drinking for the fifth day in a row, we totally got it. Did we spend a full day baking Sublime cookies? Yes. Did we do this while drinking beers? Yes. It only made sense to bake with beers. Did we find ourselves filling the awkward gap between lunch and dinner with beers? Yes. So, the the people of Ollanta, you aren't alcoholics and we are so sorry for judging you... It's not a disease, it's a way of life (Anyone know if they have AA in Peru?)
2. To the woman we harshly accused of stealing our 50 cent dinner knives .. We really jumped the gun on that one. Although all the evidence pointed toward Heather, turns out after actually taking the time to talk to her there is no way she was the thief. In fact, Heather is a really nice girl and a fellow victim of kitchen robbery. We are really sorry for painting Heather as the culprit... Thank goodness we changed her name.
3. This apology is specifically directed toward Micol Spinazzi, who is our symbol for all the muggles of the world who have sustained injuries (pickups 2012 was no joke). Honestly, muggle injuries are real and hurt a lot and really deserve attention without judgement from athletes. As retired athletes and thus real world muggles, Claire has recently punctured her hand with a pocket knife while trying to cut a water bottle in half to clean her retainer in Clorox. On top of this, Alison has likely broken her ankle while walking at a leisurely pace on cobblestone. Both of these catastrophes have impacted our lives greatly. We dare say they are in the ranks with a year long concussion and two ACL tears. *For anyone who can't figure out what a muggle is, it's a nonathlete.
4. Eugenio. Where to begin. Eugenio is a 35 year old restaurant owner who we have befriended. Despite having been to Miami and New York, Eugenio's favorite place in America is Maryland because he loved the deer and squirrels. I mean, come on, how cute is that? The first time Eugenio invited us to a party, we lied and said we were going to Cusco. Awkward when we later saw him in the streets of Ollanta. When he asked us to a second party, we felt bad and decided we had to go. This time we were seriously going to go, until the most insane thunderstorm/tornado hit Ollanta. Shockingly enough the one time we needed to make a call on our joint Peruvian cell phone we didn't have any minutes. To make things worse, when Eugenio called us out for standing him up twice, Alison misinterpreted the comment and responded with "In your dreams." Language barriers will really put you in a pickle sometimes. So, to Eugenio, lover of deer and squirrels, we really apologize, and will send you a picture from your favorite state, Maryland.
While hearing these apologies may make you think we feel bad about everyone we have accused or judged, this is not the case. There are some people we will just never forgive. These people include the 9 year-old devil Tienda worker, Esquina Man (the owner of a local restaurant) who also gives us small food portions and watches in disgust as we fill our water bottles, and the woman who charged double for a bread and cheese sandwich. We genuinely think you are mean people. It also makes us really sad that none of you like us.. People freaking love us. Also, our consistent eating is your main source of income. You're welcome for those new shoes, we see you.
Although we have had some rough nights dealing with the guilt of wrongly accusing the innocent, we have somehow managed to continue to live our lives. Claire turned 22. That's a surprise in and of itself. Instead of having 22 beers poured over her head in the Cottage tap room as was the case with 20, this year Claire's head was shoved into a full cake by two 15 year old girls. No matter where she goes, birthdays for Claire somehow always end in her needing to take a shower to get food or drinks out of her hair. Cake was followed by a dance party, the attendees being eight 12-17 year old girls. Isn't this how everyone celebrates their 22nd birthday??
The night we ditched Eugenio because of the storm/tornado. We can't say enough about headlamps, they're the greatest invention of all time. As for the beers... Beers and bed, it only makes sense. Again, we apologize to all Peruvians.
Why don't boys like us? Talk about a dance floor!
Cuiy, aka guinea pig. Yeah, we ate that. After trying to avoid Cuiy like the plague, our student, Luis, insisted his mom make us a proper goodbye meal. It was Cuiy. You know, now that we think about it, we should apologize to our childhood pets, whose cousins are now in our bellies. If you're interested, it tasted like a strange mixture of pig and chicken.
Well, we are now headed to Bolivia to travel around for a month. We don't really know how that will turn out, but yeah, it's happening.
Until next time ya guys,
Alison and Claire
P.S. turns out the girls in the dorm we worked at (the invite list for Claire's 22 bday party) thought we were a band, "Grupo Alison y Cler". Look out for our next hit single, "La Vida Gorda"